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Tom got Air

I’m happy in this photo, it isn’t just because I’m sitting on a beautiful horse, on a beautiful property, in the company of some beautiful fillies…..

I’m happy because I got some air…. on a horse.

It was huge.  We (Stetson the horse and I) came up to a stream, I was directing the horse to walk through the stream and BOOM, air time.

I can’t BS about the amount of air, it was a genuine ‘horse length’ of air time.  That is a lot more than any dirty jibber/ snowboarder mate of mine has ever gotten close to.  These things aren’t measured in meters or feet, they are measured in hands.

There is no footage of the jump but my soon to be released novel “Tom got Air” will describe it in enough detail that you will think you were in the saddle with me, weightless and then a testicle crushing jolt as I arrived on the other side of the stream.

Here are some more pics from that ride.

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For a computer nerd like me, it wasn’t always pretty girls, horses and Aspen.

The first part of Aspen is the Ass.

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It wasn’t long until I was an ass master.

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All that talk of asses….. I was horny and the next progression was to get horny.  Long Horns!!!

Kelly is feeding it right now so my wee little frame doesn’t bother it.  But this Long Horn killed a horse a few months earlier.  Horse was pissing it off, so it stabbed it.

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So the donkeys are fast, the steer is scary and weights more than my car.  Time to ride a horse.

My first horse ride with Kelly (I told her it was my first ever…. if I had a dollar for every time I told a girl it was my first time…. I’d have 2 dollars).  The horse I got to ride is called Trouble and it is Kelly’s horse, she has owned this horse for 21 years.

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Of course horses make no economic sense at all.  Neither do snowmobiles, jetboats, dirt bikes, houses. cars or women.  Old Al’s favourite saying is “If it flies, fucks or floats, it is cheaper to rent.”  But rocking up to the local pub, the infamous Woody Creek Tavern with a couple of pretty sheilas, on horseback….. I felt like an Australian version of Gengis Khan: I’d like to buy your whiskey, I’ve already stolen your women.  Don’t worry, I can’t afford your Aspen property taxes so I’ll leave in a couple of days.

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I went back home, saved some money and I returned to Aspen.

From this photo, I think you will understand that I’m in no hurry to be ‘faster’ at horse riding.  Four amazing, completely different ladies letting me come on a horse ride with them (Nikki Stevie, Jayla and Kelly). Sitting at the back is just fine with me.

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I have been meaning to tell you guys about my time in Wyoming.

Kelly’s best mate Caroline has a sheep ranch up there.  On the way home from Yellowstone we spent a couple of days on the ranch.  The idea was that Kelly could help out Caroline on the ranch and I could catch up on some work.

The first morning I was enjoying coffee and scrambled eggs, eggs so fresh they were still warm from being inside the chicken.  Over breakfast I was asked if I could help out for an hour or so.  That sounds great!!  I was thinking, I might get to drive a tractor, learn how to use the sheep dogs or shoot something.

None of the above.

Some sheep needed to be castrated and I was to catch and hold the sheep down during this procedure.  After this development, I skipped 2nds on the scrambled eggs.

Step 1: Catch the sheep.  Don’t I look excited about this whole thing?

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Unlike Caroline and Kelly (vet ladies), Steve is a people doctor and he has much nicer bed manners.  When we caught the next victim Steve would give them a cuddle and speak nicely to them.

Personal note… if Steve ever cuddles me I’m going to start running.

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To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as I expected.

For any animal rights hippies out there (Andrea), the process was done because if these ram lambs shag the lady lambs, they would have baby lambs in the middle of winter and they would die.  It would then mean that the lady lambs couldn’t have babies at the right time of year (early spring) so they would be sent off to make lambwiches (lamb sandwiches)

After a morning doing ‘farm’ work, I changed my work boots for my Ugg boots and settled into a 10 hour day of computer nerd work on the deck.

I really like my job – hahaha.

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